Not much has changed in the last two and a half years. We have moved several times. I have almost left DH, or at least thought about it seriously a few times. My kids are older. But things are mostly the same.

We live back in the Tri-Cities again. I never thought I would come home, but the lure of family and basically having no other options was overwhelming. I have been cautious about where I go. I don't want to run into anyone from my past. I dont want them to see me as I am now. Overweight, terrible skin, frumpy, and dead inside. That's not the person I used to be, and I am ashamed that it is the person I have become.

I work in a grocery store however, and it is inevitable that I see old acquaintances from time to time. Most of them don't give two shakes about me, and the feeling is mutual.

I did see him though. He came into my store. After almost six years without seeing him, five years without speaking to him, six months in the same town as him, and four months working in this popular store, we just happen to be in the same place at the same time. I don't know for sure if he saw me, but he must have. The moment I saw him I dashed away. How many times have I thought about and played through our first chance meeting? Too many to willingly admit to. But I was not prepared. He took me by surprise and I crumbled. I cried, sobbed, moaned, for at least an hour.

How do you cope when the one and true love of your life suddenly crashes in after so long? How to you react when ten years of buried feelings resurface? Old wounds, torn open? I was a wreck.

One thing I know though, if he did see me, he wont be back in again. At least at work I am safe.

Not anywhere else though.

Not two weeks after that instance, he and I just happened to be leaving the mall at the exact same time and through the exact same exit. I said, "Is this a joke?" out loud. I actually spoke those words. He was probably in hearing distance. The air was thick with tension, awkwardness. But we ignored each other. I am sure he saw me. How could he not have? I was literally three feet behind him as we were leaving. I could hear him speaking and I know he could hear me. I cant believe I was so close to him.

In other news, DH and I don't fight too much anymore. I have been on some vitamin supplements that have helped with the absorption of my anti--depressants and that has been great. I am also not on birth control anymore and I know that that is a contributor as well. DD just started pre-school. DS is amazing and cute, and a super-bum. I am desperately hungry for another baby.

I have been working out solidly for at least a month now. I haven't seen any substantial weight loss, but I can tell that I am shaping up. It is good for me to go to the gym daily. It helps me to feel productive, even when the house is a sty. Which it always is.