I changed my name. as with most things in my life, and especially any literary composition, my best ideas come much later than they are needed. Though i an not sure why this particular name didn't come to me right away. Some may see this name and think that i am an uncultured swine, for "dali" spelled as it is could refer to Salvador Dali, a famous painter. On the other hand, the name sounds like Dalai Lama, a revered monk. However, neither reference has anything to do with this name.

I am Dali Llama. And it all started with a silly joke played by the love of my life. I am not sure why, but he superimposed a llama head onto a photo of me. Juvenile, yes. But i was thrilled to know that he had looked at pictures of me and thought of me outside of school. Pathetic. Anyway, from that time forward i was dali. And i loved it. An inside joke with the man i loved. A pet name even. It is very special to me. Not so much as a reminder of an old befriend, but as a reminder of a time when people cared about me. When i belonged and was loved.

dh watched a video the other day called "sick, fat, and nearly dead."  he was inspired to buy a juicer and a boat load of fruits and veggies. I was sceptical about the juicing fad, and especially so after tasting some of his creations. less than appetizing. but I tried my hand at throwing together a fruit and veg mixture and it has been delicious. not only that, but it is easy, and makes me feel wonderful. and- I have lost three and a half pounds in a week in a half. thats pretty awesome.

The test results finally came back from the dr. Despite having a swollen thyroid, nothing in the blood work was out of character. How that can be, I'll never know. But there it is. I was told however that I have high cholesterol. That's just lovely. So whatever.

Mother's day was a wonder. It actually started out pretty well. As I was getting ready for church Dh told me to sit on the bed and brought me breakfast ("breakfast in bed"). Then he gave me two choices, take the kids to the park so he can clean the house, or go off by myself so he could try to clean the house with the kids around. I didn't choose one, since they are basically the same option, I figured I would be able to make a decision later. He also promised that he wouldn't play any video games. I was pleasantly surprised by these offerings and church put me in a good mood as well. When we got home the kids and I took a nap, and wouldn't you know it, DH started playing video games. And didn't stop playing video games until late in the evening. I cleaned the house, I watched the kids, I was alone.

It's not the fact that it was mother's day that hurt me. It was that Dh said he would clean the house, said he would take care of the kids, promised he wouldn't play video games and then went back on everything. I guess I shouldn't have expected much more. Every holiday is a let down. I do everything in my power to make sure that holidays and birthdays are special for him and this family. And I barely get a thought at all. Is it really so much to ask to be recognized? For him to do something to let me know that I am not just his slave? That I am actually a human being and I need to feel loved and appreciated. Oh well.